How i Died S1 E10: Sloppy

Transcript: How i Died S1 E10: Sloppy

This transcript is adapted from the episode’s original script, so the final audio may differ slightly.

[Click]

[Driving in car sounds.]

Jon: And where exactly are we going?

Sheriff: Hickery Farms. Way out east. Are you recording? Can I finally start talking?

Jon: Yes…

Sheriff: Good. So let me bring you up to speed. A few days ago, neighbors started smelling something fierce around here.

Jon: There are neighbors? This place is empty.

[Blinker]

Sheriff: Yep. Bout a half a mile or more in between, so you know the smell had to be pretty strong. Still is.

Jon: Geez.

Sheriff: So, Scott Hickory’s closest neighbor, Bill Dewwy went to the house this morning to see what was going on. The smell had been around for a few days at this point and Dewwy reported that he hadn’t spoken to Hickory in a few days – which wasn’t abnormal, apparently. So, you’ll see it as we’re coming up, but the place is a mess. When we were called in originally, it looked like the place had just been abandoned. Poor animals were all dead, except for two pigs. (Awkward Silence) Anyways, like I said, the whole place was a shithole. I thought nothing of it and was gonna call a cleanup crew when I noticed some bones on the ground in the pig’s pen that looked too big to be from a pig. Even a big ol potbelly sucker.

Jon: So you need me to confirm if it’s a human bone?

Sheriff: That’s it. And if it is…

Jon: Yeah. Yeah. I know. We’ve got a crime scene on our hands.

[Automatic window going down.]

Sheriff: What are you doing?

Jon: Putting the window down.

Sheriff: I got that, but why? It smells awful out there and ai JUST got the stink outta my nose from earlier.

Jon: We should get used to the smell as we’re getting closer. No sense in gagging when we open the doors.

[Sheriff gagging]

Jon: Here.

Sheriff: What’s that stuff?

Jon: It’s called Carrion. It’s like Vick’s Vaporub, but medical grade. Put a line under your nose.

Sheriff: To get rid of the smell?

Jon: Sort of. If there’s a bunch of decomposition, the dead skin cells can actually get caught in your nostrils and stay there for up to a week. This will help catch any particles before they go into your nose.

Sheriff: That’s… Somehow worse.

[Driving on gravel]

Jon: Mmm. This it up here?

Sheriff: Yep.

[Car stops. Seatbelts off. Doors open one at a time.]

Sheriff: Phew!

Jon: Breathing through your mouth can help too.

Sheriff: Ugh. Now I can taste it.

Jon: I thought you’d be used to decomp?

Sheriff: Nothing like this. We usually find one body, maybe two. And pretty quickly. This is… A rancid slaughterhause.

Jon: Which way is the pig pen?

Sheriff: Around back.

Jon: And that’s where you found the bone?

Sheriff: That’s right.

[Walking on dirt]

Jon: And what about the other animals? Dead as well?

Sheriff: Unfortunately, but not like the pigs…

Jon: I bet. Pigs will eat anything, even people if they’re hungry enough.

Sheriff: That’s what I figured. My first theory is that Hickery’s body was dumped in the pig pen and the rest of the farm animals just starved. The pigs, however…

[Pigs squealing quietly and munching.]

Sheriff: We pulled the first few bones we could find out of the pen. But as you can see, the two living pigs decided it was time to feast…

Jon: And those two are eating the other dead ones. Wow. They must have really been starving. So how do we get them out?

Sheriff: Out?

Jon: Yes. We need to take them back to the lab to analyze the contents of their stomachs.

Sheriff: You want to kill them?

Jon: Of course. They’re evidence.

Sheriff: We can’t just kill them. Let’s just load them in a truck and we’ll figure it out.

Jon: I’m not going in the pen with them.

Sheriff: Why they hell not?

Jon: Well for one, they may have killed someone.

Sheriff: And they shouldn’t be hungry now. It’ll be fine.

Jon: 75 percent of all livestock animal attacks are deliberate.

Sheriff: So you’re worried that the fat pig is gonna attack you?

Jon: Frankly, you should be too.

Sheriff: Tell ya what. I’m gonna get Dewwy to lend me a truck and we’ll get these two loaded up and back to my department. How about that? You can go examine the bone for now.

Jon: I still say just execute them and be done with it, but have it your way. Where is the bone?

Sheriff: It’s on an evidence bag inside the house. Here’s the key.

[Keys jingling.]

Jon: Thank you. Good luck.

Sheriff: I’ll be fine.

[(Jon walking on gravel)]

Jon: Mmm. Let’s see. Depending on the type of bone found, I’ll need to check for curf marks or anything noting a blade was used to dismember the body….

[Old wooden door opening and Jon stepping in.]

Scott: Who the hell are you?

Jon: Jesus christ you scared me.

Scott: Get outta my house! You didn’t even knock.

Jon: Are you Scott? Scott Hickory?

Scott: Yer damn right. Now I’ll ask again, who the hell are you?

Jon: My name is Jon. I’m with the sheriff’s department.

Scott: Oh yeah? That mean you don’t gotta knock?

Jon: In fairness, I didn’t expect anyone to be home.

Scott: So you break in thinkin it’ll be empty, huh? Well surprise, pipsqueak. You’re not getting any of my gold.

Jon: Gold? What in the hell is happening here?

Scott: Hyyaah!

[Jon moves quickly and knocks into something.]

Scott: What the?!

Jon: I don’t know why I tried to move out of the way. You can’t hit me; you’re a ghost.

Scott: What are you talkin about? How’d you do that?

Jon: Mr. Hickery, you’re dead, right? Like…. Definitely not coming back to life. We found some remains, most likely yours, outside in the pig’s pen. And that, right behind you, is a bone on your kitchen table. You didn’t notice that?

Scott: Naw, that… That can’t be true. That was a dream. I woke up and…

Jon: Woke up and what? Thought everything was fine when you couldn’t touch anything, or didn’t feel the need to eat or drink all day?

Scott: I … Uh…

Jon: Do you mind telling me what you remember?

Scott: Piss off. I’m not tellin you shit.

Jon: Okay then. So if you’re not going to move, I’ll just… Walk on through and look at this evidence here.

Scott: Get… Ugh. What in the hells?!

Jon: Let’s see. The bone appears to be human. Looking at the length… And the uhh… Estimated size of the vitcim, it appears to be a femor. We won’t be able to confirm identity until we find more remains, but the evidence is pointing toward a dead body and a missing Scott Hickery.

Scott: I ain’t dead… I was just feedin the pigs, and…

Jon: Were you attacked?

Scott: I guess so… I don’t know. I remember being hit.

Jon: There are apparent bite marks and scratches from the pigs gnawing on the bone… there seems to be cracks. Looking closer at the femor, the cracks run a few millimeters down into the bone. This looks like a serious break. Was it recent?

Scott: Oh yeah. I remember that hurt like a mother.

Jon: I can’t be certain on the time, but the break indicates a very recent injury that was sustained antemortem. It could have been a struggle before the body…er… Before the victim was cut into pieces. But I’ll need to further examine the wound under a microscope to be certain.

Scott: I was cut up?

Jon: I can’t tell from the amount of bite marks and grime on the bone. It’s covered. I’ll need to take it back to my lab and clean it to see the breaks and cuts.

Scott: So… I’m really dead?

Jon: That’s correct.

Scott: Do you know how?

Jon: Not yet. I was hoping you’d be able to help with that.

Scott: I… I need a minute.

Sheriff: (far away) Jon?

Jon: I’ll be back shortly. (Yelling) yeah?

[Door opens and Jon hurries out.]

Sheriff: Hey. Got anything for me?

[Both walking back to the pen.]

Jon: Well, it’s definitely a human bone.

Sheriff: Helpful…

Jon: I can’t confirm it’s Scott’s until I get more than a bone.

Sheriff: Since when did you start referring to the victims by their first name?

Jon: Hmmm. I need dentition or some other definable remain to actually test either DNA or records.

Sheriff: Well good, cause I’ve got a lot more for you.

Jon: Oh?

Sheriff: The neighbor helped me move the pigs out. Turns out there’s a LOT of bits and parts left all over.

Jon: Anything we can use to ID him?

Sheriff: Potentially. Have a look around.

Jon: Man. These are nothing but scraps… I’m going to need some more equipment to even be able to tell what is human from pig.

Scott: Was this where you found my leg…?

Sheriff: Did you see any cuts on the bone you looked at?

Jon: Too early to tell for sure. If I had to guess, I’d say his body was chopped up and left for feed.

Sheriff: Well lucky for us, you don’t need to guess. Do ya?

Jon: I’m just offering my opinion.

Sheriff: I don’t want your opinion. I want your facts, paired with MY opinion. Christ, when did the roles flip like this? You give me what you learned in hard evidence, and I’ll do the rest.

Jon: My opinion IS based on the evidence. The bone was a femur, and it had a pretty significant break in it that was close to the estimated time of death. That indicates a struggle, like he was hit from behind.

Sheriff: Scott Hickery was hit by a car.

Scott: Ouch. I was! I remember that.

Jon: So… A hit and run, but they left him to die?

Sheriff: No. What? No. He was hit by a car the before he went missing. Dewwy, the neighbor, hadn’t seen him for a few days. I got his records, and it turns out he was admitted to the hospital was a leg fracture and kept for three days.

Jon: What bad luck. He got back just to die.

Sheriff: Right, but it got me thinkin: You said pigs are known to attack their owners, well, if you were a pig and you were hungry, you’d be pretty pissed if you’d just been abandoned for three days.

Jon: Wait, so you think that this was an accident?

Sheriff: I didn’t at first, but I looked around. There’s a pretty torn-up looking crutch in the mud over there. And no signs of anyone else being on the property. Plus, no real motive. Scott was pretty well liked.

Scott: I was killed… By the pigs… That feels familiar…

Jon: What about his money?

Sheriff: What? Quit fuckin around. I just need you to comb the scene, gather what you need and then let’s go. I’m sure I’m right here, and I need your evidence to prove it.

Jon: Damn… I was… Way off then?

Sheriff: Don’t seem so surprised, doc. I was doing this long before you got here, and I’ll be doing it long after you leave.

Jon: I just… I can’t believe I was so wrong.

Sheriff: That’s why you look at the shit in the sludge, and I look at the crime.

Jon: Okay. Umm… Let me just grab some bags and we can go.

Sheriff: Great. We’ve got another body anyway.

Jon: Yeah… Yeah. Just let me…

[Click]