How i Died S2 E05: Like Pulling Teeth

Transcript: How i Died S2 E05: Like Pulling Teeth

This transcript is adapted from the episode’s original script, so the final audio may differ slightly.

[Jon knocks on Therapist office]

Jon: Doctor Kim?

PhD: (inside) Come in.

Jon: I was paged to come up…

PhD: Jonathan. Hello.

Jon: I figured it was better than having you bombard me in my lab again.

PhD: We have a guest.

Jon: Oh! I’m sorry… Why did you invite me in if-

Jimmy: I could only presume he was a doctor by his lab coat. He motioned in the direction of where my body was. Funny, really.

PhD: That’s precisely why I paged you.

Jon: Some sort of intervention? Or another targeted way to try to get me to open up to you, huh?

PhD: Actually…

Jon: Who are you? Let me guess: I’ve mishandled a case of a loved one and you’re here to berate me about the importance of being sympathetic. Or about how my anger has blah blah blah.

Jimmy: This was just sad, really. I would have loved to respond or tell the man who I used to be… I guess it’s all a little too late.

Jon: What is going on?

PhD: If you could please stop speaking, I’d love to explain.

Jon: Sure, Kim. Fill me in.

PhD: This was Jimmy.

Jon: Was?

Jimmy: Another person too blind to see the truth. If only they’d listened while I was alive. Maybe someone could have helped.

PhD: Jimmy is dead.

[Intro theme]

Jon: I don’t… Understand. You’ve got a body in your office? Did he just die?

PhD: Um… Are you… Did Fran already fill you in?

Jon: Fill me in on what?

PhD: On the plan.

Jon: I’m very confused now.

PhD: While Jimmy was alive, he *had* Cotard’s Syndrome, or walking corpse syndrome. He thought he was dead. Up-up until he actually died of course.

Jimmy: But I’m being naive. There was anything they could actually do to help me.

Jon: So he’s… Not actually dead. He just thinks he is?

[Jon snapping]

PhD: But we’re trying to-

Jon: Hey. Hey. You don’t look dead. And trust me. I’ve seen a lot of dead.

PhD: Stop that. (Pause) Knock it off; this is serious.

Jimmy: The seemingly idiotic doctor continued to wave his hands in front of my corpse, like I would be able to see him. It’s hard to believe this guy was actually licensed.

Jon: Rude. He really thinks he’s dead?

PhD: He *is* dead, doctor Spacer. If you get my drift…

Jon: Right. Why does, er, did, he have walking corpse syndrome- while he was alive I mean?

PhD: Jimmy was a long-term resident of the Springfield General psych wing.

Jon: Are you telling me we have a mental ward?

PhD: Hardly. And we don’t use those terms any more. It’s just another part of the hospital, but we help treat people with non-physical ailments.

Jon: Mhm…

PhD: Jimmy became my patient recently, after he tried to overdose on some of his medications.

Jimmy: Sad that I keep hearing "tried to" this and that… If only they realized that I had succeeded.

Jon: So he thinks he successfully killed himself? Are you sure we should be talking like this in front of him? Despite being dead, he certainly seems to hear us…

PhD: Cotard’s is a rare delusion with a wide range of triggers from extreme depression to medical error to brain damage.

Jon: And which does – did – Jimmy here have?

PhD: A severe case of depression and an underlying untreated psychiatric condition.

Jon: So why did you need me here?

PhD: To take him down to your exam table.

Jon: And…

PhD: Dissect him, of course.

Jon: I’m even more confused.

PhD: Let’s walk. I’ll explain.

Jon: Do we… Need a gourney?

PhD: I asked to have one brought down earlier.

Jon: Oh…kay. How do we get him onto it?

PhD: You pick him up.

Jon: You can’t be serious.

PhD: Watch. I’ll roll the gourney up, and then lift Jimmy’s body onto it…

Jimmy: I’m moving now. Who knows where they’ll take me.

Jon: Oh… So he helps still.

PhD: Mm.

Jon: Okay… Down to the lab, I guess. (Pause & whisper) What’s the plan here?

PhD: The plan is exactly like I said. You’re taking Jimmy’s body to your lab to examine for cause of death.

Jon: Cause of death.

PhD: Exactly. If Jimmy we alive, he’d be able to tell us what’s wrong, but since he’s not, we’ll need to determine cause of death. I know that it means little now because he’s already deceased, but if we know, at least we’ll have closure.

Jon: Closure… Riiiight. You know, I do have real cases to deal with.

Jimmy: I knew this guy had an attitude from the moment he walked in.

Jon: I have a job to do!

PhD: I cleared it with Fran. If anything comes up, you’re free to go. But I do appreciate your help.

Jon: Yeah… Fine.

PhD: Plus, it will be a good way for me to see how you handle a case.

Jon: This is hardly a case. And is that why you did all this?

PhD: All of what?

Jon: This whole song and dance. Is figuring this out even important to you, or is this just to observe me work?

PhD: I can’t believe you’d suggest I’d do anything like that.

Jon: That’s not a no.

PhD: We’re here.

Jon: So we are.

Curtis: Jon! Welcome back… Oh? What’s going on?

Jimmy: Ah, the pathology lab. I guess it’s ironic that after all these years of being on the other side of the table, I’d finally be the one getting examined.

Jon: What?

PhD: You can’t mind what he says. But just do me a favor, Jonathan… A quick aside.

Curtis: Another ghost? Yes! Hello! I’m here. Can you hear me?

[They move toward the office]

PhD: I’m going to take a seat on… This, if you don’t mind. And pull up close to the table. Just run through like a normal procedure, as you would. (Quiet) but obviously don’t cut him open.

Jon: Am I really supposed to fake all of this?

PhD: Not so loud. But yes… I need you to pretend to determine cause of death.

Jon: And how in the hell am I supposed to do that? Guess?

PhD: My plan is that by immersing Jimmy in this experience, he’ll be more open to discussing the things that are actually bothering him.

Curtis: So this guy is actually alive… And you’re performing some sort of mock diagnosis?

Jon: Couldn’t you just pretend to do this somewhere else in the hospital? This is a clean lab. I’m going to have to sanitize everything after and I won’t even be doing real surgery!

PhD: He knows this place. And you’re the patholigist.

Jon: And you’re the psychiatrist. I shouldn’t be helping with a psychiatric disorder.

PhD: We’ll call this a medical consult. Or a show of good faith, as it were. Which I would say you need right now.

Curtis: This lady is not afraid to hold her power over your head. I like her.

Jon: God damnit; seriously?

PhD: We should get to work helping a patient in need. Whenever you’re done throwing your angsty teen hissy fit, of course.

Jon: Give me… Give me a second. I have an idea… Annoyingly.

[Jon searches for things]

PhD: What are you looking for, Jonathan?

Jon: I’ve got… A divider somewhere.

PhD: A divider for what?

Jon: Just… Let me find it. I’ll show you.

Curtis: Jon, I know you probably don’t wanna acknowledge me when someone else is here, but you’ve gotta admit: This is a funny as hell, hell situation.

Jon: (whispering) Curtis, really? Now is not the time.

Curtis: I think now is the perfect time. You’re frustrated, that manipulative shrink is back. Love her.

Jon: Here. I’ve got a divider and some sheets for operating.

PhD: And this is normal procedure?

Jon: Come on. He wouldn’t have even noticed if you-

Jimmy: Odd. I’ve seen enough of these procedures to know that the use of a divider was abbormal.

Jon: I prefer to use the divider because… I can’t bear to look at the victim while I’m examining the contents of their stomachs or pulling out their organs.

Curtis: Nice save.

Jon: I’m just going to set this up… If we could get the patient – er… The deceased’s body flat…

PhD: Here.

Jimmy: It seemed strange to me that a death doctor can’t look at the face of the dead. But if he’s able to tell doctor Kim what killed me, then I don’t really care what quicks he has.

Curtis: Oh you have no idea, buddy. Actually, since he thinks he’s dead, how ironic is it that he can’t see me right now? Or can he… That would be a twist.

Jon: Could everyone just be quiet!?

PhD: I didn’t say anything. And since I’m the only one you can hear…

Jon: I’m going to put on some operating music… Like I always do when I operate.

PhD: Oh? I thought that was just surgeons.

Jon: Post mortems are surgery. In a way. And besides, listening to music is supposed to help concentration.

PhD: I know. I do music therapy all the time. I just didn’t peg you for a classical music kind of guy…

Jon: I… Love it.

Curtis: I know that was hard for you to say, but I really don’t mind this song.

Jimmy: Ah. The old boombox… The memories of this place just keep coming back.

Jon: What does he mean the memories?

PhD: I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jonathan.

Jon: Post mortems are surgery. In a way. And besides, listening to music is supposed to help concentration.

PhD: I know. I do music therapy all the time. I just didn’t peg you for a classical music kind of guy…

Jon: I… Love it.

Curtis: I know that was hard for you to say, but I really don’t mind this song.

Jimmy: Ah. The old boombox… The memories of this place just keep coming back.

Jon: What does he mean the memories?

PhD: I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jonathan.

Jon: Because you don’t want to tell me something, or because you really don’t know?

PhD: Are you always this paranoid?

Curtis: Yes.

Jon: I’ll just… Get to work.

PhD: What is it you’re doing?

Jon: I’m first going to cut away the deceased’s clothing to examine his torso for anything that would point to an obvious cause of death.

PhD: I would doubt it’s something external like that.

Jon: Well, it’s a good thing you’re not the one performing the autopsy then, huh?

Curtis: Damn. The sass.

PhD: At least you’re getting into it. Just don’t actually-

Jon: I know. You asked me to do this so… Let me do it.

PhD: Thank you. (Pause) I appreciate it.

Jon: I don’t see anything external that would jump out as to cause of death.

Jimmy: And he wouldn’t, either. I wasn’t bleeding or beaten to death, obviously.

PhD: That’s a start.

Jon: It seems like it. Let’s continue the exam. First I’ll be checking the stage of decomp and the effects on the skin…

PhD: Stage of decomp, huh?

Jimmy: That’s a good point. I’m surprised the doctor isn’t wearing a mask now. I’d imagine the stentch of my body sitting out for three days would be almost unbearable this close.

PhD: Three days… What happened three days ago?

Jon: I guess… That’s for me to find out. (Pause) So… What’s up with the narration?

PhD: I don’t know what you mean, Jonathan.

Jon: Oh come on.

PhD: Personally, *if* I were dead and floating around as a ghost, I’d probably be talking to myself too. Just about what’s going on around me.

Curtis: You have no idea.

Jon: Mmm.

Curtis: I get it… It gets incredibly lonely. Especially when you’re not around. Don’t ignore me, Jon. DON’T IGNORE ME.

PhD: Any luck?

Jon: Any luck with WHAT? I’m just… Bah… (Sigh). The body is showing signs of… Being in a damp environment. Indicating that he could have been somewhere with a lot of moisture when he died…

Jimmy: I knew this doctor was a hack since the moment I met him.

Jon: Okay, you know what?

Jimmy: I clearly died in my bed. It wasn’t until hours later that someone came to get my body. It wasn’t peaceful, much the opposite in fact. But at least I was finally free.

Jon: I don’t understand. You said he stays in the hospital?

PhD: Stayed. Yes.

Jon: Whatever; stayed. So whatever he thinks killed him is here.

PhD: Apparently so.

Jon: And how is this supposed to help him exactly?

PhD: Consider it a form of therapy. I know you don’t believe in the effectiveness of talking through one’s problems, but a delusion can often be worked through if the brain realizes the delusion cannot be real.

Jon: So you want him to realize that he didn’t actually die, and have him "snap out of it"? That seems like pseudosciencr mumbo jumbo.

PhD: Think of it like a story. We all tell ourselves stories, do we not? Now, if the story you tell yourself has continuity errors, what would you do? Perhaps question the validity of the details.

Jon: It seems like he’s just questioning the validity of my medical degree.

PhD: Where *did* you do your residency, Jonathan?

Jon: Why?

PhD: Just curious. While you’re examining the body.

Jon: Hopkins.

PhD: Oh? Baltimore?

Jon: Yes.

PhD: Did they not offer you a job after? From your record here, you seem to be a star medical examiner.

Jon: I wanted a change of scenery.

PhD: It wasn’t something else?

Jon: No.

Curtis: Interesting… (Angry)Did you kill someone there too?

Jon: (breathing angrily) I’m trying to concentrate on the exam.

PhD: I appreciate the dedication to the role. If I’m being honest, this is a last-stitch effort.

Jon: (mocking) Oh, make believe isn’t a widely used tactic in therapy?

PhD: Roleplay is a vital piece of cognitive behavioural therapy, yes. But our sessions haven’t seemed to help Jimmy’s depression. Neither has altering his medication. And sadly, the only option left if this doesn’t work is ECT.

Jon: Shock therapy?

PhD: Electroconvulsive Therapy… We don’t call it "shock."

Jon: But you would zap his brain to try to fix him, haha. What is this, 1960?

PhD: ECT has proven results, especially with fringe cases like Cotard’s. Not that you should be questioning my practice. I’m not the one under review.

Jon: Don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten. You make it very apparent.

PhD: Didn’t you say that you normally record these sessions?

Jon: I have. But this is not a real-

PhD: You should keep it up. Recording yourself talking is usually helpful when it comes to sorting out your mental state. I’d recommend recording most of your thoughts aloud.

Jon: Yeah, trust me, I do that. Or used to.

PhD: You still owe me those old recordings.

Curtis: Oh man… I never did find out what you recorded. But maybe someone else will. I would play those tapes to the woooooorld!

Jon: I’m… Going to analyze the contents of the stomach…

Jimmy: Finally, the incompetent doctor stumbles upon some real, useful evidence.

PhD: Useful evidence, huh?

Jon: I’m seeing… What am I seeing?

Jimmy: Since doctor Kim is here, I’m hoping the both of them will notice that the pills I’ve been taking aren’t the ones I’ve been perscribed.

Curtis: The plot thickens.

PhD: What? What color pills are you seeing, Jon?

Jon: No. Enough. This is insane.

Jimmy: I’m supposed to be on Sertaline, small yellow pills. But recently…

PhD: Recently what?

Jimmy: It’s a shame that I’d never be able to tell doctor Kim about the abuse that happens in our wing. Perhaps I should have reported it earlier, but maybe… Just maybe… The multitude of different types of medication in my stomach will prove to her that something is wrong.

PhD: Abuse?

Jon: Jimmy. What kind of abuse? Who is doing it?

Curtis: Oh shit… The orderlys, or whatever they’re called are dosing the patients? Why? Good, good, good.

PhD: Jon, please calm down.

Jon: What the hell? Why are you not freaking out about this? He just said the staff – your staff are abusing people on your ward.

PhD: We don’t know the validity of his claim. It’s not the first time someone has reported something like this and it’s been a cry for help rather than the truth. Please continue the exam.

Jon: No. I’m done. I can’t believe you.

PhD: Jonathan, continue the exam.

Jon: You need to go. I played your little game and we found your answer. But apparently it’s not what you wanted to hear. Jimmy, er… I’m going to move Jimmy’s body back on the gourney and –

Jimmy: Oh lord! My intestines are going to fall out.

Jon: Oh come on.

PhD: Jonathan.

Jon: I’m sewing up the deceased quickly and… Done! You can move him.

PhD: I’m not leaving.

Jon: I’m not playing this game any more. We just had someone confide in us that they’re being abused by people working in this hospital, and you sat there without so much as batting an eye.

PhD: I don’t think I need to remind you to watch how you speak to me.

Jon: Screw it. And screw this whole charade. You want to deem me unfit to do my job then do it. But at least I’m trying to help people.

Jimmy: The angry doctor was right. We’ll never find any justice if those who can help turn a blind eye. Maybe the cycle will continue.

[Breathing.]

PhD: I will… Look into it. Let’s just keep the conspiracy theories between us for now. Until I can get some concrete evidence.

Jon: Fine.

PhD: In the mean time, please gather your recordings and bring them up to me for your next appointment.

[Phd rolls jimmy out of the room.]

Curtis: Wow… Intense. I bet you have a lot of things you’d like to talk out right now… I’m all ears. (Pause) What are you doing? Are you actually going to hand over your old tapes?

Jon: No. I’m going to destroy them.

Curtis: Smart move. (Pause) Where are they?

Jon: This is… Where I had them last.

Curtis: Do you think someone moved them recently? I haven’t seen anyone down here without you in months, months, months.

Jon: I don’t… I don’t know. They’re gone. There’s only a few… Oh fuck.

Curtis: Oh fuck, indeed. The g-g-gig might be up, doc.

Jon: Crowley…